exploring

How to Play with Gender in BDSM

Most of us don’t realise just how much gender influences the way we play in BDSM. Whether we’re reinforcing traditional roles (masculine dominance, feminine submission) or flipping them entirely (femdom, feminisation, sissification), gender is woven into our desires in ways we might not even notice.
BDSM is one of the few spaces where we get to play with gender roles on our own terms—exploring power, submission, and self-expression in ways that might not feel possible in everyday life.

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Why Dominance is More Than Just Control

Dominance is often misunderstood. In pop culture, it is portrayed as something purely physical: whips, leather, and a towering presence that commands submission. But true dominance is not about shouting orders or wielding power over someone else. As BDSM expert and intimacy coach Shelby Devlin explains, dominance is a psychological art. It is about creating a container of trust, safety, and anticipation, allowing the submissive to let go and surrender fully.

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Babygirl – A Thought-Provoking Look at Kink, Shame, and Desire

Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can feel like one of the most vulnerable conversations you’ll ever have. After all, these are deeply personal, intimate desires that you might not even have fully accepted yourself. It’s no wonder that many of us struggle to open up about them. But when done thoughtfully, sharing your fantasies can create a deeper connection, foster intimacy, and even make your relationship more fun and exciting.

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How to Tell Your Partner What You’re Really Into… (Even If It’s Super Scary)

Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can feel like one of the most vulnerable conversations you’ll ever have. After all, these are deeply personal, intimate desires that you might not even have fully accepted yourself. It’s no wonder that many of us struggle to open up about them. But when done thoughtfully, sharing your fantasies can create a deeper connection, foster intimacy, and even make your relationship more fun and exciting.

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How do I feel less shame about my fantasies?

Have you ever had a fantasy you couldn’t stop thinking about—but felt too embarrassed or ashamed to even admit it to yourself? If so, you’re not alone. Shame around sexual fantasies is incredibly common, thanks to societal taboos, fear of judgment, and the internalized belief that our fantasies say something negative about who we are.

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How Kink Showed Me I’m Strong Enough to Get a Tattoo

Have you ever believed something about yourself that wasn’t true? Maybe as a kid, you were told you were “not sporty” or “a crybaby,” and you ended up carrying those labels with you throughout your life because that’s what you were taught to believe.

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What Kind of Submissive Are You?

The term “submissive” is an umbrella that covers many different roles within kink. To help you navigate, I’ll outline some of the most common types of submissives, so you can see what resonates with you. This list is by no means exhaustive—kink is a vast and nuanced world, and your sexuality is as unique as you are. As you explore, pay attention to what excites you, what doesn’t appeal, and what piques your curiosity. These insights will guide you in discovering more about your sexuality and the types of play you might enjoy.

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Are Open Relationships Less Committed?

One of the biggest misconceptions about open relationships is that they aren’t as committed as their monogamous counterparts. This is because people tend to confuse “commitment” and “monogamy.”

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Vetting Questions I’m Using in 2024

If you are wanting 2024 to be a year of exciting kinky experiences (come on gangbang 🤞🏻) it’s likely you might need to do some vetting. 

Personally, my vetting process could use an update! I did some research and found 10 questions I will be using this year to vet potential new play partners. (For the full list, listen to this week’s podcast)

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