This week I’m challenging some common beliefs and misconceptions around woman’s sexually that I hear all the time. Let me know what you think!
For a deeper dive into these topics, check out episode #73 of my podcast Turns Out I’m Into it – available on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.
1. Being multiorgasmic is the pinnacle of women’s sexuality
I know some woman are multi orgasmic and that is great! But for many of us, it takes a lot of work to reach one orgasm, let alone lots of them. I’ve seen short courses claiming to make women multi orgasmic, as if this is the path to unlocking your bodies full sexual potential. For a long time I thought I was missing out, or my body’s capacity for pleasure was inferior because I generally only come once during sex.
Recently, I’ve realised there is actually actually nothing inferior about having a single orgasm per fuck – in fact, I actually prefer it. For me, sex is about much more than an orgasm. While orgasms are definitely satisfying, my favorite part of sex is getting to escape into erotic fantasy and feel a certain way (my core desires). If I’m spending the whole time trying to make myself come, I’m never getting to relax and just enjoy what’s happening.
I’m not taking away from anyone who enjoys coming again and again (I have friends that do, and it’s super hot), but I don’t think it necessarily makes it better sex.
2. She comes first
This is one of the first things men learn about being good at sex, and most of them hold onto it for life. This rule comes with good intentions, but the sentiment is more about making sure both partners are satisfied, rather than what order the orgasms happen in.
If you’re the type of guy who fucks her, comes and falls asleep while she’s left hanging, then this rule is probably good for you! But, if you care about your partners pleasure, then consider changing it up a bit. What if you tried making her orgasm the big finish rather than your own?
The biggest problem with this “rule” is it creates a routine of getting the woman’s orgasm put the way, before the man can really fuck her with all his desire. This is especially true for men who struggle with PE or ED, and will often opt for fingers, tongue or toys to make their partner come before penatritive sex can start. There is nothing wrong with this approach if that’s what is working for you. But I just want to let everyone know that this isn’t the only option. It is perfectly possible to fuck a woman, finish, and then use a vibrator to bring her to orgasm after. The bonus of this approach is if you do struggle with PE or ED, you might find that watching her come after you have, might be exciting enough to get your cock wanting round 2. It’s certainly worth a try! 😏
3. Women hate to be objectified
This one comes as no surprise for seasoned kinksters, but for those of you who are new to the scene, listen up!
Generally speaking, seeing a woman as a collection of body parts rather than respecting her as a person is super uncool. However, barring yourself from ever objectifying her might be doing you (and your partner(s) a disservice. In the right context, objectification can actually be super sexy. Personally, if I know my boundaries and desires are being respected, there is nothing I love more than feeling the eyes of a man hungrily searching my body for his own gratification. Like most women, my body confidence isn’t the best — and being seen as an object of a man’s desire makes me feel extremely sexy! When it comes to the bedroom, it actually helps me relax.
The positives of consensual objectification go both ways too. If you are an over-thinker during sex, always focused on your partners pleasure worrying if you are doing a good job, allowing yourself to see them as an object that you can use at your will, can help you relax (which usually feels amazing for the other person too).
Everyone wants to feel sexy sometimes. There is nothing wrong with appreciating perfect titties, spankable arses, or bulging biceps and handsome hard ons. In a world that harshly criticises our bodies, feeling like a fuckable sex toy can be extremely affirming! 🔥
4. Men should put women on a pedestal
This is one of those old fashioned values that has been passed down through the generations as the “gentlemanly” thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with admiring a woman and showing her deep love and appreciation. However, if you genuinely believe that she is better or more worthy than you, things can get out of balance.
Positive relationships are built on mutual respect, not power imbalance. Even in a D/s relationship the Dom might have the power to control the scene, but this is done within the boundaries of the sub. Essentially this “power dynamic” is still built on equality.
In order to show up authentically in a relationship of any kind, you need to respect yourself as much as you respect the other person. Putting women on a pedestal makes her bigger than she really is, often making her feel intimidating, and taking away your own power. This honestly isn’t very attractive, and would make me question whether you are able to share your boundaries, needs and desires.
Put another way, a man who respects himself, feels safer and way more attractive than a man who just wants to please me. Let’s all treat each other as equal human beings regardless of gender!
Let me know your thoughts!
What parts of this writing landed for you? Have I made you question any of these beliefs? Or perhaps you have something to add? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Harley 🐰 xx
