Sharing sexual fantasies with your partner can feel like one of the most vulnerable conversations you’ll ever have. These are deeply personal, intimate desires that you might not even have fully accepted yourself. It’s no wonder that many of us struggle to open up about them. But when done thoughtfully, sharing your fantasies can create a deeper connection and acceptance, and sometimes lead to hotter more fulfilling sex!
🎧 For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the latest episode (#77) of Turns Out I’m Into It.
Why Is It So Hard to Share Fantasies?
Fear of Judgment
One of the biggest reasons sharing fantasies feels so difficult is the fear of being judged. You might worry that your partner will think you’re weird, too kinky, or even unattractive for having certain desires. But it’s important to remember that everyone has fantasies, and they’re as unique and individual as fingerprints. Just because your desires are different doesn’t make them wrong.
The Stakes Feel High
Talking to a stranger about fantasies might be easier than sharing them with a partner. That’s because your partner’s opinion matters most. You care about their reaction, and the risk of rejection can feel overwhelming. But this vulnerability is also what makes sharing fantasies with your partner so powerful. When it’s done in gentle and supportive way, it can build incredible trust and intimacy.
Shame and Self-Judgment
If you’ve spent years feeling ashamed of your fantasies, it’s natural to hesitate before sharing them. Many of us have been taught to believe that certain desires are taboo or that having fantasies means something is wrong with us. But the truth is, fantasies are just a part of being human, and sharing them doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’re taking brave steps to advocate for yourself.
Practical Tips for Sharing Fantasies
Remember, there is no shame in not sharing your fantasies if you don’t want to. It is perfectly valid and sexy to indulge in them in your solo play, or privately in your imagination during sex. However, if you’re ready to talk to your partner about your fantasies, here are some practical tips to help:
1. Start Small
You don’t have to dive into the deep end and reveal your most elaborate fantasy right away. Instead, start with something small and manageable. For example, if your fantasy involves power dynamics, you might begin by saying, “I’d love for you to hold my wrists during sex.” This allows you to test the waters without feeling too exposed.
2. Focus on the Feeling
Sometimes, fantasies can sound extreme when we only describe the what instead of the why. Instead of saying, “I really want a threesome,” you might say, “I love the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by sensation, this makes the idea of having multiple partners really exciting to me.”
This helps your partner connect to the emotions behind the fantasy, making it easier for them to understand rather than just reacting to the imagery.
3. Write It Down
If talking about your fantasy feels too daunting, consider writing it down instead. You can share it with your partner via text, email, or even as a handwritten note. Alternatively, you can write it for yourself to read to your partner as a way to start the discussion.
4. Frame It as an Exploration
Let your partner know that you’re sharing your fantasy as a way to connect, not because you expect them to fulfil it for you. Try saying something like, “I want to share something with you that I think could be fun to talk about. There’s no pressure to do anything with it. I just want to share this part of me with you.”
5. Give and Receive Positive Feedback
How your partner responds can make a huge difference, especially if you’re feeling vulnerable. If their response is positive, let them know how much you appreciate their support. At the same time, if your partner shares a fantasy with you, celebrate their courage and thank them for opening up. Positive reinforcement creates a safe space for more sexy and honest conversations.
And Lastly,
Having these conversations isn’t always easy. Even I struggle with it sometimes. But the more we talk about sex, desire, and fantasies, the less scary it becomes.
Unfortunately we cannot control how our partner will respond, but if we share from a place of honestly, and respect for each others desires and boundaries, it is more likely this will be a positive experience for both of you. If it goes well, the reward could be more intimacy, deeper connection, and the possibility of bringing your fantasies to life.
If you want to hear the full conversation (and all the juicy details I didn’t include here), check out episode #77 of Turns Out I’m Into It! 🎙️
Let me know, have you ever struggled to share a fantasy with a partner? What helped you push through the fear?
xx Harley