Well done for clicking on this article. I’m so proud of you for being curious, and wanting to learn more about this kink! You are such a good girl / boy. 😛
Praise kink has been blowing up on TikTok lately… and before you roll your eyes, I actually think it is great whenever kink is being shared in a positive way on mainstream social media!
Anyway, I got curious about the role ‘praise’ plays in kink, and decided to make a podcast about it (listen here).
So what is a praise kink, and how is that different from just liking a compliment?
When I looked this up, most sexologists say if you have a praise kink, it means you get sexually aroused from receiving words of praise i.e. “good boy/ girl” “I’m so proud of you” “You’re doing a great job” etc.
It’s the direct sexual response to the words of affirmation that makes this a kink.
But I don’t think it’s that simple.
Imagine you’re giving a partner head, and they are giving you ZERO reactions. I mean nothing. They are just lying there in silence like a dead fish. You’re probably starting to question your technique, right? Are they into this? Should I go faster? Slower? Stop? Omg do they want me to stop? Am I bad at this? Omg I’m bad at this!
In this situation… you’re probably not feeling very turned on.
But if we change this scene to you giving a partner head, and them groaning and moaning and pulling your hair and saying “fuuuuuuuck that feels good!” Then this changes everything! You’ve gone from zero, to feeling like a sex God! Things are really getting steamy in here!
Confidence and feeling desirable are very important in the bedroom, therefore receiving praise and positive feedback from a partner is very likely to intensify your arousal.
But does this make praise a kink?
Let me give you a personal example.
I love a good compliment as much as the next person. If a handsome Dom wants to tell me I’m a “good girl” I’m going to wag my butt like a happy Labrador. But this isn’t sexual arousal. It’s just really good for my self esteem.
So by the above definition, this is not a kink for me.
But if that same Dom wants to strike me with a cane, leaving a red hot stinging line across my arse, and then rub it better while gently whispering “Good girl. You’re doing so well. That was a big one wasn’t it? I’m so proud of you.”
OMG yes please Daddy! 🥵🥵🥵
For me, any scene that dances between pain and praise will likely get me excited (and definitely not in the happy Labrador way). In fact, I’ve learned that receiving praise during impact play will dramatically improve my pain tolerance and my overall enjoyment of the scene.
In this example, the praise alone isn’t enough to turn me on, but add it to an existing kink… well now you’ve just found the hot sauce! 🔥
So is this a praise kink? Honestly… I don’t know. 🤷♀️ But I don’t think it really matters what you call it. What matters is learning what works for us. If you are able to understand details about what turns you on, and are then able to give your partner(s) a clear set of instructions about how to get you there… that my friends, is what counts!
If you have anything to add to this conversation please leave a comment below.
For a detailed discussion about this topic, listen to episode #29 of my podcast Turns Out I’m Into It – available everywhere you listen to podcasts.
Harley 🐰 xx
